To scared to walk forward
To determined, can’t wait behind
To unsure to step forward
To strong, can’t stay inside
Stepping out
Vulnerable
Walking forward
And breathing, “God be with me, I need you.”
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She scrambled down the rocky path, glancing apprehensively behind her. There was no one yet, but the sun was just coming up behind the large white house, and it wouldn’t take long for the people to rise. But, no matter, for a few blissful moments, she had the shoreline to herself. It was one of those mornings that God must take special care in desiging just to touch the souls of certain people who can be stunned by the beauty of the simpler things in life. The sun rested in the valleys of the undulating wrinkles of the waves as they drifted in and bounced off the sandy shoreline. She breathed deeply of the morning air, the salty spray, and the warmth of the sandy shoreline. As she neared the water, she let her bruised toes nestle into the plush sand and drew in another deep breath. Her paradise was hers alone during these hours. Nobody else had ever discovered the beauty here at this time of day. Later they would come with their little baskets full of unhealthy crumbs, their bottles of lotions and creams to ward off the sun, their loud, but lazy voices and their bare bodies and destroy the tranquility of the place. But for now, it was paradise to the girl who danced there. She dipped her little white feet in the water, and smiled as the coolness sent a shiver up her spine. Her white cotton summer dress blew a little in the breeze. She glanced out at the blazing horizon where the sun was finishing it’s masterpiece in the sky with a final heated profusion of light spilling out all along the horizon and beyond. The girl closed her eyes, breathed in the beauty, and quietly turned to go. That was what she had come for.
She walked down the alleyway, alone. It was so dark and damp. She loathed the cold walls that bumped her shoulders. She shuddered as her footsteps fell into one puddle after another. The constant, nauseous sound of the rain trickling down the moldy bricks and draining into the cracked cobblestones seemed to come from within her.
–
Her head ached…her shoulders hurt…her hands were numb where she clutched the little bag she had brought with her. She wretched and sagged up against the wall, the mold on the bricks clung to her skin and her face. Tears soundlessly ran down her face. All alone, she sank to her knees. “I can’t do this anymore…I don’t want to do this anymore…I want to go far, far away, and never wake up again, ever.” The tears continued their soundless travel down her face. She felt so, so, so alone.
–
Then He was there…she couldn’t feel Him, she couldn’t see Him, and there was no evidence of His being there, but she knew and believed. She needed something to hold on to. And she trusted Him… Only now, it was so dark, and the pain and confusion so constant, it was so hard to think, to realize, to believe. Darkness… Jesus, bring the light.
–
She drifted away into dreamland, and she saw it all…
–
There He was, his face so kind and gentle…His touch so soothing. He put His callused hand on her forehead, and the ache melted away. The light show from him…and crept up the walls; from his feet the glow curled forth causing the darkness to fall back on itself. The mold steamed up in a vapor that caused the glow from him to form an ever widening arch around him. He gently touched her face with His hands “You are beautiful.” His hands brushed away the mold stains, and gently touched where the tears had slid down her flushed cheeks. For the first time, in so long, she let herself relax. As her head slid back against the wall, he picked up her little, aching body, and cradled her close to his heart. Finally she rested, safe in the arms of her Lord. She breathed in two very deep breaths that for the first time didn’t hurt.
–
It seemed like only a moment and then he was gently setting her back down. She cried out and clung to him. “Please, please, don’t leave me!” He smiled his gentle, loving smile, and said, “My precious daughter…I will never leave you, but I still have work for you to do. Carry on, my little princess. I’m coming to take you home, I promise. Carry on, till I return.”
–
And the dream evaporated away into the dark night air, and she struggled to rise. The pain was still there, and the confusion was still there, but the image of his gentle face and soft words to “Carry on” remained with her. With the kind of courage that only arises through pain, she rose to her feet, and putting one foot in front of the other, slowly made her way forward into the dark night. Perhaps there was a bright morning waiting; perhaps there wasn’t. But she would carry on – her King was coming for her.
I saw you there smiling back at me
Your picture was so beautiful
But you had changed
–
You were not who I remembered
I don’t know who you are now
Do you?
–
Time and distance: they change a person
But I wasn’t ready for you to grow up
I still see your face
Your pretty smile
Your blue eyes
Kind of expected it
But I was surprised
Could see it coming
The ache was so real
–
Couldn’t get away from it
Not even when I slept
Not that I wanted too
It was dear to me
–
Cause when this heart ached
It ached for you
When these tears fell
They fell for you
–
These dramatic sighings
From my heart to yours
I miss you
I miss you
Was this really happening? She brushed her loose hair back from her face. It was one of those mornings…a beautiful clear sky with enough clouds in the distance to draw the rosy hues of the sunrise into a stunning tapestry. She let out a long contented sigh. Yes, it was happening…amazing. A happy smile crept around the corners of her mouth. Her eyes sparkled. And she allowed herself to just relax and enjoy the moment.
I’m standing here, God
Just standing
God, there’s something precious to me
In my hands
–
There was a time
When this heart was mine
But, it’s been battered about
You somehow needed to work it all out
That this heart isn’t mine, but yours
–
But tears fall down so quickly
As I give into Your hands
This very thing that holds my hopes
My longings
My dreams
My many, many tears
–
And I tremble for just a moment
‘Cause You don’t promise
No, You don’t promise no pain
You don’t promise that my heart won’t be torn
That it won’t bleed
–
But, as you reach for this heart of mine
I see Your hands, scarred by love
Love that speaks of suffering gone through for my sake
Awww…such love
Yes, You are far more than worthy to hold my heart
For one who loves me as much as You do, my heart is yours
Funny thing…this waiting is.
Seems so familiar
And yet so new
–
Funny thing…emotions play
Thoughts of peace
Thoughts of worry
–
Funny thing…trusting in God
He said “no” before
He wants my best
Dancing on the clouds
Thousands and thousands of them
Raising my arms high
Twirling with freedom
Spinning with abandon
–
Beauty
for
Ashes?
–
Will it ever come?
Is joy for me?
Is hope for real?
Do I dare?
–
“Hide!” I hear them scream
Those voices of caution and fear
“Run!” I hear them cry out
They overwhelm
–
But up ahead…
Is that light I see?
Or is it a mirage?
Is it hope?
Or is it desolation?
–
Ah, yes, I must find out.
I must, oh, I must.
Just possibly…
–
Sweet laughter
Calmness
Peace
Yes, I have dared to hope again.
–
How strange
How odd
What a new feeling
But will it betray?
–
Time can only tell…yes, time can only tell.
To fly high and free…to climb to the highest heights and watch the world go by, that was her goal. Truly it was. She didn’t care that there was no one with her. She didn’t care that the mountain goats and little rock creatures laughed at her. She didn’t even care that the rocks and scraggly mountain trees scorned her. Contentment in pursuing her goal…to reach the top of that mountain, was all she cared about.
–
Then one morning partway up the mountain, her contentment was shaken. Clouds had closed in and the air had been so moist, she was damp minutes after. And with the clouds all about her and the dreadful dampness and haunting obscurity surrounding her, she began to wonder. Was there a mountain peak after all? What if all this work had been for nothing? What if when she completed this hard uphill climb, there was no mountaintop to stand tall on?
–
She paused, sinking down on one of the scornful rocks. She cupped her chin in her palms, trying to think and reason, but the thick fog around her seemed to have clouded her mind. She couldn’t make sense of it all.
–
Then out of the fog, like a ghost emerging from the graveyard, a figure approached. Any other time she would have recognized him, but now in this darkness, he looked like a stranger. She began to tremble as he came nearer.
–
“Who are you.”
–
“I’m the one who brought this fog.”
–
“This fog that has caused me so much trouble?”
–
“Yes.”
–
“Why?”
–
The man just shook his head, gently took her hand and pulled her to her feet. Together, they both started to pick their way through the fog together back up the mountain.
