I can’t take it in…

What are these, these tears of joy?

Why do they cascade down like rain?

Why is my heart overwhelmed?

I can’t take it in, no, I can’t take it in.

One step on the quest…

Seeking and trying. Thinking…

What is this?

Confusion swirls. Questions haunt.

And through it all there is the ribbon of pain.

I thought it was gone. Oh yes, I thought it was gone.

But no, it’s still there, winding throughout.

I wonder, will it ever be gone.

Will it ever leave me?

–

I want to break free.

Raise my hands and dance.

I want to laugh.

Carefree and happy.

Is that to be this side of heaven?

Or have I hoped for something that can never be?

–

One step in the journey.

This time I take to ponder and to think.

One step on the quest.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

What shall it bring?

Only God and tomorrow know.

–

One deep breath

One carefree smile

Yes, I’ll make it through this time too.

There will be joy.

I’ve claimed it as mine.

This pain is not my master.

I serve the God of love.

In Him I trust and hope and breath free.

Was this really happening…

Was this really happening?  She brushed her loose hair back from her face.  It was one of those mornings…a beautiful clear sky with enough clouds in the distance to draw the rosy hues of the sunrise into a stunning tapestry.  She let out a long contented sigh.  Yes, it was happening…amazing.  A happy smile crept  around the corners of her mouth.  Her eyes sparkled.  And she allowed herself to just relax and enjoy the moment.

My heart is yours…

I’m standing here, God

Just standing

God, there’s something precious to me

In my hands

–

There was a time

When this heart was mine

But, it’s been battered about

You somehow needed to work it all out

That this heart isn’t mine, but yours

–

But tears fall down so quickly

As I give into Your hands

This very thing that holds my hopes

My longings

My dreams

My many, many tears

–

And I tremble for just a moment

‘Cause You don’t promise

No, You don’t promise no pain

You don’t promise that my heart won’t be torn

That it won’t bleed

–

But, as you reach for this heart of mine

I see Your hands, scarred by love

Love that speaks of suffering gone through for my sake

Awww…such love

Yes, You are far more than worthy to hold my heart

For one who loves me as much as You do, my heart is yours

Uncharted waters…

The tiny boat rocked gently in the current.  It was tiny, yes very tiny.  There was just enough room for her and her little bag next the sloped sides.  The current caught her again, and as the tiny craft began to pick up speed, she wondered just for the briefest of moments, why she’d set out on this journey.  Out loud, above the rising roar of the river uphead, she asked, “What was I thinking?”  Ah, yes, she knew what she’d been thinking.  The Captain had said this was the trip He wanted her to take.  She had questioned, but not really gotten answers.  Well, the Captain had told her that this trip was for her good.  Yes, He had said that.  Now, she had believed Him, and still believed Him, but sometimes, yes sometimes, when the waves splashed high, when her boat spun, when the storm clouds rolled in over the foaming whitecaps, then, she would question and wonder.

–

If the Captain had merely sent her on a mission down a river she’d been before, that would have been one thing.  At least she would have known what to expect.  Where to find rest, what bumps to steer clear of.  That would have been easy.  Or if that was too easy, the Captain could have sent her down a river that at least someone else had been down before.  Then she could have gotten information about the difficulties up ahead.  But no, the Captain had bypassed all the known routes, all the places others had been before.  No, for her, He chose the uncharted waters.

–

Uncharted waters…oh, those words rang with mystery and suspense.  She felt herself rise to the challenge.  Yes, with the Captain’s guidance and help she would go on this adventure.  She’d navigate these uncharted waters, and live to tell the tale.  And then the water’s would rise and the spray would sting her eyes, and times would get difficult.  She would shrink back.  But, and she promised herself, that no matter what difficulties lay up ahead in the unexplored waters, the Captain was with her.  He had chosen this trip for her, and He had promised…yes, He’d promised, that it would be for her good.  Maybe not in the way she’d imagined, maybe in the way she hoped, but, it would be for her good.  And she rested in that.

Somewhere…there was a perfect time and place

Somewhere there was the perfect time and place.  She convinced herself of that.  Clung to it.  Watched that thought threaten to slip through her fingers and fall like so many drops of water.  She was ashamed of herself for holding onto that dream.  Scolded herself for it, but when the morning sun rose, the hope would rise inside her right along with the golden glory.  All day she would fight with that hope, push it down, allow it to rise, tear it to pieces, patch it back together.  But in the evening when the sun set and the coolness settled over the land, that hope still haunted her.  Yes, there was a perfect time and place, had to be.

–

It took her much time and prayer before she realized that what she sought was possible.  Yes, there was a perfect time and place, only it wasn’t with whom she’d expected.  No, it wasn’t what she’d expected…it was far better.

–

Everyday, she took long walks through the fields and woodlands.  Why?  Was it the glories of nature that accosted her whenever she escaped from all the busyness of domestic life?  Maybe.  Was it the tawny deer, the newly mown hay, or the free cries of the little birds?  Maybe.  But if you’d asked her, and if she’d answered you truthfully, she’d have told you, she went in search of something far more glorious than the amazement and wonder nestled in the grass and trees of the countryside.

–

She’d have told you – She went in search of an encounter with the King of her heart, the God of creation, her best friend, confident, protector, defender, and wise counselor.  If she’d been truthful and open, she’d have spilled the intimacy she shared with her Savior, of His sweet and precious love, of His seeking her and her meeting Him.  Ahh…yes, if she’d been truthful, she’d have told you.  But, she was a quiet girl, concealed all these things in her heart, like the Mary of so long ago and waited.  She realized the fragility of something this precious.  Realized her own passions and willfulness could destroy all of it in a moment.  So she hid these thoughts from the world.

Funny thing…this waiting is

Funny thing…this waiting is.

Seems so familiar

And yet so new

–

Funny thing…emotions play

Thoughts of peace

Thoughts of worry

–

Funny thing…trusting in God

He said “no” before

He wants my best

Fear…that vanquished horror

Fear…that awful phantom

Wrapping its cool fingers tightly around my heart

Taking me captive

Attacking my mind

Till it’s laughter echoes from inside my very being

–

But fear can’t stand long before the King of Kings

Slowly, the battle begins

One cruel finger unwillingly untangles itself

Followed by another

And another

–

Ah, sweet freedom, sweet, sweet, freedom

But fear hovers in the background

Watching for a week moment

Haunting in the shadows

Ever quick to jump on helpless prey

–

But freedom, once felt, will not be relinquished so carelessly again

No, the fight has begun

The battle will wax and wain

And God, working in my life, will be the Victor

The battle…

There was a moment’s rest for her.  She could breath deeply and just relax.  But she knew the battle was coming.

–

Then it hit.  In all it’s fury, and she felt so alone and completely convinced that she would die.

–

But she was crying out to God, begging, pleading.  And against what seemed immeasurable odds, she was trusting Him and choosing to believe that He would pull her through.

–

And then it was over.  God had been strong…He’d pulled her through.  And she wept tears of relief and joy and praised His name.

–

The enemy slunk away in defeat, vanquished by the King of Kings.

A single man…walking on the road

There was a lone man, walking slowly down the road.  His was the walk of someone who didn’t exactly know where he was going, nor was he in a hurry to get there.  I had to admire his easy gate and his relaxed posture.  Ah, I thought, there’s a man without a care in the world.  He’s content and happy, and I envy him.

But as I came even with him, I saw the look on his face.  His chin was dipped down, his cheeks were damp, and in his eyes was the look of a thousand sorrows.  Ah, I thought, there’s a man with too many cares for this world.  He’s sad and lonely, and I don’t envy him.

But then the man looked up at me.  His chin lifted.  His eyes softened and he smiled, gently.  Slowly, he held out a single red rose he’d been clutching.  The thorns had pricked his hands, but the rose was perfect.  I took it in my hand, overcome by the change of expression in the man’s face.  The smile he shared reached his eyes and shone from his soul.  I thought, there’s a man whose learned so much from the cares in this world.  He’s at peace and reaching out to others, though pain is ever present inside himself.  I envy him.