What are these, these tears of joy?
Why do they cascade down like rain?
Why is my heart overwhelmed?
I can’t take it in, no, I can’t take it in.
What are these, these tears of joy?
Why do they cascade down like rain?
Why is my heart overwhelmed?
I can’t take it in, no, I can’t take it in.
Seeking and trying. Thinking…
What is this?
Confusion swirls. Questions haunt.
And through it all there is the ribbon of pain.
I thought it was gone. Oh yes, I thought it was gone.
But no, it’s still there, winding throughout.
I wonder, will it ever be gone.
Will it ever leave me?
–
I want to break free.
Raise my hands and dance.
I want to laugh.
Carefree and happy.
Is that to be this side of heaven?
Or have I hoped for something that can never be?
–
One step in the journey.
This time I take to ponder and to think.
One step on the quest.
Tomorrow will be a new day.
What shall it bring?
Only God and tomorrow know.
–
One deep breath
One carefree smile
Yes, I’ll make it through this time too.
There will be joy.
I’ve claimed it as mine.
This pain is not my master.
I serve the God of love.
In Him I trust and hope and breath free.
Was this really happening? She brushed her loose hair back from her face. It was one of those mornings…a beautiful clear sky with enough clouds in the distance to draw the rosy hues of the sunrise into a stunning tapestry. She let out a long contented sigh. Yes, it was happening…amazing. A happy smile crept around the corners of her mouth. Her eyes sparkled. And she allowed herself to just relax and enjoy the moment.
I’m standing here, God
Just standing
God, there’s something precious to me
In my hands
–
There was a time
When this heart was mine
But, it’s been battered about
You somehow needed to work it all out
That this heart isn’t mine, but yours
–
But tears fall down so quickly
As I give into Your hands
This very thing that holds my hopes
My longings
My dreams
My many, many tears
–
And I tremble for just a moment
‘Cause You don’t promise
No, You don’t promise no pain
You don’t promise that my heart won’t be torn
That it won’t bleed
–
But, as you reach for this heart of mine
I see Your hands, scarred by love
Love that speaks of suffering gone through for my sake
Awww…such love
Yes, You are far more than worthy to hold my heart
For one who loves me as much as You do, my heart is yours
The tiny boat rocked gently in the current. It was tiny, yes very tiny. There was just enough room for her and her little bag next the sloped sides. The current caught her again, and as the tiny craft began to pick up speed, she wondered just for the briefest of moments, why she’d set out on this journey. Out loud, above the rising roar of the river uphead, she asked, “What was I thinking?” Ah, yes, she knew what she’d been thinking. The Captain had said this was the trip He wanted her to take. She had questioned, but not really gotten answers. Well, the Captain had told her that this trip was for her good. Yes, He had said that. Now, she had believed Him, and still believed Him, but sometimes, yes sometimes, when the waves splashed high, when her boat spun, when the storm clouds rolled in over the foaming whitecaps, then, she would question and wonder.
–
If the Captain had merely sent her on a mission down a river she’d been before, that would have been one thing. At least she would have known what to expect. Where to find rest, what bumps to steer clear of. That would have been easy. Or if that was too easy, the Captain could have sent her down a river that at least someone else had been down before. Then she could have gotten information about the difficulties up ahead. But no, the Captain had bypassed all the known routes, all the places others had been before. No, for her, He chose the uncharted waters.
–
Uncharted waters…oh, those words rang with mystery and suspense. She felt herself rise to the challenge. Yes, with the Captain’s guidance and help she would go on this adventure. She’d navigate these uncharted waters, and live to tell the tale. And then the water’s would rise and the spray would sting her eyes, and times would get difficult. She would shrink back. But, and she promised herself, that no matter what difficulties lay up ahead in the unexplored waters, the Captain was with her. He had chosen this trip for her, and He had promised…yes, He’d promised, that it would be for her good. Maybe not in the way she’d imagined, maybe in the way she hoped, but, it would be for her good. And she rested in that.
Funny thing…this waiting is.
Seems so familiar
And yet so new
–
Funny thing…emotions play
Thoughts of peace
Thoughts of worry
–
Funny thing…trusting in God
He said “no” before
He wants my best
Fear…that awful phantom
Wrapping its cool fingers tightly around my heart
Taking me captive
Attacking my mind
Till it’s laughter echoes from inside my very being
–
But fear can’t stand long before the King of Kings
Slowly, the battle begins
One cruel finger unwillingly untangles itself
Followed by another
And another
–
Ah, sweet freedom, sweet, sweet, freedom
But fear hovers in the background
Watching for a week moment
Haunting in the shadows
Ever quick to jump on helpless prey
–
But freedom, once felt, will not be relinquished so carelessly again
No, the fight has begun
The battle will wax and wain
And God, working in my life, will be the Victor
There was a moment’s rest for her. She could breath deeply and just relax. But she knew the battle was coming.
–
Then it hit. In all it’s fury, and she felt so alone and completely convinced that she would die.
–
But she was crying out to God, begging, pleading. And against what seemed immeasurable odds, she was trusting Him and choosing to believe that He would pull her through.
–
And then it was over. God had been strong…He’d pulled her through. And she wept tears of relief and joy and praised His name.
–
The enemy slunk away in defeat, vanquished by the King of Kings.
There was a lone man, walking slowly down the road. His was the walk of someone who didn’t exactly know where he was going, nor was he in a hurry to get there. I had to admire his easy gate and his relaxed posture. Ah, I thought, there’s a man without a care in the world. He’s content and happy, and I envy him.
But as I came even with him, I saw the look on his face. His chin was dipped down, his cheeks were damp, and in his eyes was the look of a thousand sorrows. Ah, I thought, there’s a man with too many cares for this world. He’s sad and lonely, and I don’t envy him.
But then the man looked up at me. His chin lifted. His eyes softened and he smiled, gently. Slowly, he held out a single red rose he’d been clutching. The thorns had pricked his hands, but the rose was perfect. I took it in my hand, overcome by the change of expression in the man’s face. The smile he shared reached his eyes and shone from his soul. I thought, there’s a man whose learned so much from the cares in this world. He’s at peace and reaching out to others, though pain is ever present inside himself. I envy him.